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The importance of self reflection

Just as you would look into a mirror to make sure you look good before you leave your house it is equally important to look into yourself. It isn’t about being presentable, it’s about being the type of person you want others to be. Leading by a true example. It is the simple golden rule of life. Yes, it is tough not to conform to those around you but happiness is not found through lying to others and yourself. I truly believe that peace of mind comes only when you have nothing to fear. Let go…

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"Socializing is as exhausting as giving blood. People assume we loners are misanthropes, just sitting thinking, ‘Oh, people are such a bunch of assholes,’ but it’s really not like that. We just have a smaller tolerance for what it takes to be with others. It means having to perform. I get so tired of communicating."

— Anneli Rufus (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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Mental Strength

I have my weaknesses and I struggle with them every day but I’ve really started to focus on my strengths. I’ve had no choice but to become one of the strongest people out there. My learning capabilities surpass those of most people I know. My intelligence is unmatched. I feel powerful, and very much so in my dealings of today. When I believe I’m in the right I standup and fight. I don’t let the people whom don’t deserve power push me around. My fears have all but vanished or at least most of them. I know that no matter what situation I get myself into I can get out of it, after all I’ve been through worse. I’ve seen the bottom and there is no reason to be afraid of it. The epiphanies I’ve come to have changed my life for better and for always. I am happy, and everything that makes me sad has little impact on my emotions. There are days where I am unhappy, days where I am frustrated, but there is always tomorrow. I can always come back to my enlightened self and that is how it has been for the last little while. I can’t even remember what it felt like to be in my previous state of depression. I’ve accepted my responsibility in life. I’ve become the person that I want to be friends with, the ideal me. Morally dignified and values as strong as an ox. Having fun is still something I am not overly familiar with but I am taking the steps to be able to do so on a regular basis. I thank those around me for their understanding and support. I respect the people that have made things hard for me and understand their decisions. They don’t think like me, they have yet to understand the golden rule. They don’t have the same self awareness that I possess and explaining it to them will not help. We all learn are lessons at different times, I am just fortunate to have had mine at such an early point in my life. Not to say, I don’t have much to learn because I certainly do. My life has been put to use, I have become an inspiration. I will continue to inspire all of my friends to make the best decisions and to not hurt others. And in doing so I will become a very respected individual by all even the afraid stuck up people in this world. The enemies of my past will begin to forgive and forget the mistakes that have been made by either person. The good in this world, the good in people, will be visible in my presence. This is my objective, my life goal. Something I will take pride in and never give up on. This is the promise I have made to not only myself but to those around me.

With love we as people will make this world an enjoyable rock to live.

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Small and Simple Gestures

It’s really quite surprising how the smallest kind gesture can go such a far way to people. Showing that you care with a small gift or even just a text out of the blue can be more meaningful than one would imagine. I have a lot of experience with being lonely so you’d think this would be obvious to someone like me but apparently it took twenty long years to realize such. Every day I will make it a habit to ask someone how they are doing and mention something that they have done recently to show that I care because I do! I always have it was just so hard for me to show it. I was scared of being considered awkward or being rejected. Now I realize that I am better than that. If a particular person doesn’t want to speak to me it’s because they have some problem of their own. The level of confidence I now control allows for this train of thought. Theoretically this should mean I have no troubles approaching anybody but as is to be expected I still have small amounts of anxiety that prevent me from doing so. However, I feel like I’m improving at a somewhat accelerated rate. I’m beginning to understand the nature of conversation and other human beings. Although I do hate being ignored by snobby people, with the right attitude I can even appeal to them. The people that lie and try to knock me down time after time eventually come around. After all I give them no choice. Become friends with their friends and then suddenly they realize they don’t have an out. They have no choice but to give me their respect not that I necessarily want it. As far as I’m concerned I choose whom I talk to now. I deserve that as I am a good person and don’t deserve any of that toxicity in my life.

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Random Thoughts

I remind myself today that I do understand things quite easily and have a vast amount of knowledge on many topics that I may not have a lot of experience in simply because I observe. Those around me don’t think I could do it but that’s not for them to decide. Again I have a certain stigma that needs to burn in my past. It might take sometime for that but I’m ready now. My confidence level is at an all time high and I’m continuously improving beyond a point of return. Sticking to my core values and expressing myself however I want is leading to something amazing. Although I’m not without struggle. I ought to be careful of not overdoing it and hurting someone. However, there are some people unfortunately that I feel need the pain returned. I don’t want to encourage revenge or war but more of discipline. I will not tolerate toxic behavior and especially not when it is affecting me or my friends.

A couple days ago a friend posted on Facebook that he was going to treat people the same way they treat him, some should be scared and some should have nothing to worry about. As much as I used to be against this type of reasoning I definitely can understand the approach and wouldn’t mind giving it a try. However, it’s got to be put delicately or else you are just starting an unwanted fight.

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Taking Control

Day by day I’m beginning to realize my strengths and how far they can get me. The things I’ve learned and experienced have put me miles in front of the people around me. Primarily my maturity level and my self awareness. Where most people have problems with anger, jealousy, greed, laziness, and other things of the like I do not. I actually act like I do a lot of the time just to fit in and seem normal but I have absolutely no concern or care for these mundane qualities. Where I used to get jealous I now think about how I could prevail instead. I spend my thoughts and effort on things that matter rather on those that don’t. I take things head on and have no fears. Regret? Hah! Why regret something that you have already done, why not just learn from it instead. I’m one of a kind and I’m beyond incredible.

I got really depressed for a while because I was unable to recognize the flaws that I possessed that stopped me from advancing in my life. I felt hopeless and my confidence dropped. Prior to that I was similar to how I am now. I believed in what I thought was right and I always trusted my instinct. Because I’ve spent so much time analyzing myself and observing other people around me I now feel like I’ve accomplished something serious. I’ve become completely independent. I no longer rely on anyone and I always take action into my own hands. I’ve taken control of every part of my life and I’m steering it in the right direction. My lust and my loneliness were the last things. I no longer crave anything and it’s easier than ever to let something go.

Kalen, this is a reminder to you that you are one of the smartest people on the planet and you don’t need to prove that to anyone. Where others have book smarts and street smarts you have something else that isn’t one nor the other. It’s something unusual and unworldly. You are a special breed. You can do anything that you set your mind too as long as you have the intention of following through.

This is a foreshadow of the brilliant things you are doing and will do with your life.

This is the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

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We are riders on the storm. Full well knowing the world is destined to divide into utter chaos we keep on riding. Good song, good night. I want to change within as there is no other way.

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there-is-only-perception:

Part of me desperately wants to be this cat.

there-is-only-perception:

Part of me desperately wants to be this cat.

(Source: spiritgun, via brentlemen)

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The Political Game of Life

It took me a long time to be confident enough to make this realization. Most of the people in the world may not understand what politics really are. However, many of those people utilize them every day. To make friends, to make themselves look like good Samaritans. The truth is they aren’t. They are liars and cheaters. They cheat the world and their so called friends to get an edge in life. Don’t get me wrong politics aren’t always bad things but the way I’ve witnessed this it makes me very upset. I’m lied to on the regular simply because they know they can get away with it. I’m a legitimately mature and respectful individual. I do things only if I know they aren’t hurting someone or at least I try to. That being said everyone makes mistakes. That’s why I’m so quick to forgive people and give them more and more chances to show me that they are capable of being good as well.

I must be careful moving forward. Manipulation is very common in our modern day society. I’m also no longer afraid to get my hands dirty to fuck over the people that do this constantly. Unfortunately it’s impossible to prove. Most people are smart enough to cover their tracks. No, I can’t prove it with facts but my instinct is incredible and I must remember that. I can sense when someone is doing things for the wrong reasons and I should stay distant from them.

There is a line I like a lot from an anime I’m somewhat fond of. It’s called Code Geass. Lelouch, the protagonist decides to take on the worlds super power with a power of his own. He is philosophically and politically wise. When challenged to a duel to fight for his people he proposes an interesting question. I quote, “What happens when there is an evil you cannot defeat by just means?” “Do you stain your hands with evil to destroy evil or do you stand steadfastly just and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil.” It’s then pointed out that this is a paradox in either case the evil still remains. His opponent Lord Gilford then says he chooses justice to which Lelouch says ” I understand, in my case I commit evil to destroy the greater evil!” It’s an incredible line for a somewhat mediocre anime. It’s an eye opening point. You cannot defeat evil without exposing yourself to it. This explains most of what is wrong with the world as the world is evil…

I understand.

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Just Be Confident!

I used to be relatively close to a girl I once worked with. She wasn’t really into me nor I her, but I guess you could say she was an option that I considered seeing as she sort of did the same. I guess what I’m trying to say is there was potential but neither of us took action so we stayed friends and we talked about various things every once in a while. To be clear I don’t lie to myself or to others so when I say I wasn’t interested, it’s more like I would have railed her but I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship.

How is that relevant to confidence? It’s not really I just sort of wanted to give a little history between the two of us. She saw that I was struggling to be myself, that I was struggling to get a girl, and that I was a virgin. I asked her for advice on the regular, not that it was very helpful. I had thought about the idea that confidence makes the biggest impact on any person more than anything else. However, I did not understand why. Everyone always said it, just be confident, be yourself. What did this mean and why was it important I wondered.

What it meant wasn’t a huge mystery to me. Being confident meant believing in yourself. It meant not being persuaded by popular opinion or by group mentality. It meant not being afraid to show your true colours in public. It meant being honest with oneself and not hiding. It meant being brave. Figuring out what it was wasn’t particularly difficult. I’m a pretty smart kid, that much I already knew. The execution was difficult no doubt but I’ve made incredible progress on this detail alone. I no longer feel scared around strangers and I have no problem showing who I am and what I like. I am more honest with myself than any other person on the planet and I’m not one that lies regularly. Most importantly, my belief in myself is no longer a load of bullshit. I whole heartily believe that I am capable of doing anything within reason as long as I work hard and dedicate myself. I once again can call myself a confident person.

The importance of confidence was much harder to grasp. Why is it that confidence is so sexy and so compelling? It’s a question with many answers. However, I spend a lot of time thinking and I pose myself with a lot of questions just like this one. I’d like to believe through application I’ve found some answers. Confidence is sexy because it means one won’t back down. They don’t get scared of a challenge because there is simply nothing to be afraid of. Let’s analyze the point for a second. At first glance challenges aren’t something to fear. Most people would probably say that. So then why do so many people opt out? It’s that reason exactly. Challenges are scary because there is a chance that one may fail. Failure itself isn’t usually the reason people choose not to take on a mission, but rather the way people around them react. There are many examples I could use but I will give just a few. Failure leads to disappoint a friend or a loved one. Your fear is of letting someone down. Failure leads to embarrassment. You’re afraid to look weak. Failure leads to hardships. You’re afraid of being poor, homeless, etc. All of these things make complete sense and are completely normal. We have all been scared of a challenge before. However, in order to be that confident person that everyone talks about we need to do something. Let go of fear but don’t abandon reason. Remember the logic behind it all. If you fail, you might let someone down or embarrass yourself but if it’s simply acknowledged as such you can always try again. I don’t think I’m explaining it the same way I intended to but it makes sense in my head. I see many of my friends back down from things because of their fear of looking inadequate. The truth is everyone has something they aren’t great at. I think a confident person has no problem showing that. A confident person isn’t insecure about their embarrassing qualities.

The difference between me and everyone else in the world is that. The reason I lost my confidence wasn’t because I was less intelligent, less attractive, or less popular than I thought I once was. The reason was because I THOUGHT I DID. It’s funny how the brain works but as funny as it is to me all of the kids movies were right. Believe in yourself and you can do anything! I believe in who I am and what I can achieve. Yes, I will make a fool of myself every day for the rest of my life and I am perfectly okay with that. The important part is that I won’t give up or back down because I know I’m capable. Nobody can convince me otherwise.