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Pessimistic Psychology

Today I’ve been thinking more and more about the bad side of the brain. The things that we neglect to think about or acknowledge because we don’t want to know, we are more content living in the world we have created for ourselves. However, every person has this bad side to them. Things that on the surface might look fine but if you dig deep it can be quickly discovered that many of the intentions we hold are that of an unjust motive. I’ve talked about this lots before but I’d like to organize my thoughts by making this a regular entry. Pessimistic Psychology as I have named it isn’t so much of the pessimistic viewpoint but more of the realism behind human action and presentation. Conformity can cause so many things in society and so many people are entirely unaware of it.

Diplomacy & Politics (How to be the nice guy):

Many people don’t like to be seen as a bad person. Being known as someone that does things for good reasons or for always being polite is preferred by most. But do we really act polite or are we sincere in our good behaviors? Are we more concerned about our personas than the act of being a good person. I think this is a difficult concept for people to understand because of the lack of consideration. It’s hard for someone to question their reason for being nice. It isn’t something that needs to be asked, they’re doing something good so why question it. If I were to tell you that your polite persona was only in existent because you wanted to gain something from it, you’d probably not be accepting of that idea. Whether it be self satisfaction, leaving an impression, fitting in, getting something in return, etc. There is always something to gain from the things we consider selfless. Altruism, the concept of being selfless and getting nothing in return doesn’t make sense to a lot of people. On the outside everyone is altruistic, everyone thinks they commit a selfless deed every day, but they do not. Humans rarely do things for the sake of making the world a better place, they do things that make the world a better place for them. Often times they don’t even realize that their own selfish agenda is actually going against their own best interest.

Parents often time raise their children to be polite but they don’t typically offer a reason. That’s just the nice thing to do, is what most parent would say. However there is a reason and it’s not entirely complicated. It gets your child thinking about other people. Wouldn’t you like it if they were polite to you? The more you are rude to people the more likely others are going to be rude to you or anyone else in the world for that matter. Everything starts with you. Of course kids are going to be kids but it’s great to instill this into our young. Not because they have to and they have no other choice but because they will want to because respect has to be given to be received. This gives people a good reason to do the things they do. Yes, you will notice that this type of logic means that a person is doing something to get something in return but that’s how our nature works and this concept has mutual benefit for everyone and not just a single individual.

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Discipline, Necessity, Choice, Drive

As is a usual occurrence for me I have been recently observing particular human behavior. Specifically the use of blame, not taking responsibility, and the act of lying to everyone including themselves regarding particular situations. I must admit that a lack of insight may cause this as well although I strongly believe that since the subconscious is likely aware of your inaction that lying to oneself or not thinking about certain areas of yourself are reasonably responsible for this lack of discipline.

Not thinking about particular areas of your brain are probably the leading cause for this concept. I use myself here as an example not to boast or demonstrate pride but because I have developed myself in this particular area. I have spent a lot of time analyzing what motivates people. Most people don’t go to school because they want to, they do so because it is what’s expected of them. This is something I have mentioned in previous blog posts but I would like to dive deeper into this particular piece of information. I am going to use a laid out hypothetical example for this and that being young adults going into post-secondary schooling.

College is a privilege for most people and because of this you will feel shame or regret for not taking advantage of such. However, if you don’t know what you want to do with your life or you are being forced into doing so it will completely change the experience. In High School kids aren’t given a whole lot of choices outside of their elective experience. The academics are required although many would argue unnecessary. People shouldn’t always be given a choice, especially not kids as sometimes it takes a little push for someone to actually appreciate something in particular. That being said there are many things in school that are just so stupid it’s hard to believe there hasn’t been a change yet. First of all I was one of those kids that didn’t want to have to do the things I didn’t like so the frustration does contribute to my bias. To show that my bias is not effecting my judgement I’d like to talk about what school is meant to do and the origin of education. Not the history but the origin. Kids go to school and it is accepted because everyone else does. A parent sends their child to school not because they want them to be intelligent, although that certainly is a contributing factor but because it is simply the status quo. You’ve probably never even thought about it, if you raised a child you already know that you are going to send them to school once they are of age. School is not a bad idea, hence why education has been around so long, however it is important to understand why education exists and why it is essentially mandatory for every living citizen. I say essentially because those that try to live without schooling do not often make it far in modern society. 

Why do we go to school? What an odd question you might think. Surprising that this hasn’t crossed your mind I bet. We are educated because our government wants us to be productive. We are fulfilling a human need to expand our kind. The more humans learn about different fields the more discoveries are made, the faster our race can produce, the easier we make our own lives. Our reason for going to school is not for ourselves but for a greater cause. There isn’t really any reason for this cause just that it’s all we really know how to do. Make the city bigger, make more advancements, make more people. My question of why is one of the reasons I think I often find myself depressed. It’s not that philosophy is so important to me that it gets me down. I feel it’s more like I need a reason to live and that reason is not being fulfilled. There are many people content with following the status quo without questioning it but I am not one of those people. I don’t want to be another bee contributing to society, I want to be happy. If I can do both then more power to that but as it stands I am unhappy with how things are. I see no reason why people think it is at all necessary for a person to be forced to learn things that are of no actual use to them in their lives. You’re wasting their time and causing them to be unhappy. I believe in options but I don’t believe in bullshit. If I want to learn about the human body I will gladly take a class and if that were free that would be even better. Put me in a classroom and tell me I don’t have a choice, that I have to learn about plants and animals and I won’t learn a god damn thing. Punish me because I’m not succeeding or paying attention, you’re just making me even more likely not to succeed now. It’s not about stubbornness it’s about human nature. If I am not interested I will not learn, if I am interested I will learn fast. Most people learn these things out of necessity not by choice. Most people go to College not because they want to, but because they feel they have no other choice. That bit about happiness being important… I don’t think people are happy when they feel they don’t have a choice. The point I make here isn’t that happiness should be prioritized over productivity, it’s that people will ultimately be more productive if they are happy. Any great business owner will tell you this as being a fundamental rule.

I do want to learn about some things, I’d rather do so at my own pace but because schools are businesses there isn’t really a lot of encouragement for teachers to spend more time with their students. It’s all about rushing people through a learning process so that you can make more money, another problem with schools. I have the drive to want to learn now, something I didn’t have even remotely before. Not because I’m scared of being poor or of not being accepted by my friends or family but because I want to learn and use that knowledge to do something phenomenal. The key thing here is that I actually want to learn. I know that when I go to school and I study certain things it will be easy simply because I really care. A student that doesn’t really want to be there in the first place is never going to have that, it will be hard. They probably won’t put that information to anything they really care about. Why go to school unless you want to? I’m not recommending everyone learn the hard way but I am saying it’s better to let someone choose to learn than to force them to do so.

I got extremely off-topic of what I initially wanted to talk about but the way that this is related to responsibility and blame is this. People that are driven to do something will find a way. That class you wanted to get into is filled up? You’re going to try your hardest to find a way in. If you aren’t really sure if you want to or not  but if it was open you probably would do it, there is simply no way you are going to bother. The people that are motivated by a goal find their way. I just haven’t quite figured mine out yet.

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Simple Minds

Tonight I want to talk about something often overlooked by everyone despite the obvious truth of the point being made. Our minds, our brains are inherently different from one another which is obviously why we are all so unique in our own ways. However, despite this truth most of us seem to think we are all capable of making the same distinctions. We expect other people to have similar thoughts to us because it is all that we know. “I think this way so everyone else probably thinks this way as well”. If they don’t share my views they must be reading the information wrong and it is my duty to enlighten them. Our brains are different but because we share similarities among one another we must all hold the potential to do whatever it is that we want, right? This is another lie. Yes, we are all humans and we all share some similarities as well as some differences. However, one of these differences deserves some serious attention, the mind. Simply put we are not all capable of being the same, it’s impossible. There are things that you will understand in a matter of minutes that I could never process in a lifetime. There are things that I know that no book can teach. We all have different interests, different drives, different motivation. You can’t motivate someone to care about something they just have no interest in. They might find a reason to care, but their reason isn’t regarding that specifically, just their reason. Most people don’t like school, it doesn’t interest them, their reason for being there isn’t to learn or at least not for most. Everyone has a reason for why they do things, it’s just not always known. Maybe you went to school to please your parents, or of fear of being put out on your own, or because it’s just simply what you are supposed to do. Maybe you did it because you want a career in a certain field or because you were with your friends. Your reason for taking Math or English probably wasn’t because you wanted to learn more about our language or numbers, in fact you don’t care about those things, do you? Funny how without those things you would be ridiculed for being stupid or slow. When I title a post simple minds I’m not playing around. People don’t think about these types of things, most people don’t even think at all. This took me a very long time to figure out but this is another undeniable fact. Many people don’t even spend their free time thinking. In fact many people are capable of having a silent mind, or at the least one that is thinking about things that have no real significance to anyone or anything. Many people do not manage their thoughts, a process that the most successful people in the world probably understand perfectly. You only have so much time in a day and every minute of that day you can spend using your brain, thinking and analyzing different things about your life or whatever interests you. With the addition of the internet there is an unlimited source of information at your disposable almost every time of the day via mobile devices. Point being if you are always thinking and always allocating these thoughts to things that are of some development, your mind will advance. It all depends on what you make important. Some people care to think about what celebrities ate for breakfast, who to blame for a problem, and other things that I consider to be useless information. Things that I consider a waste of my thoughts, a waste of time for my brain. A simple mind does not understand this. Maybe your goal in life is to have fun, a respectable goal, maybe you don’t care what you are thinking about and all that matters to you is your happiness. Understandable, but you do not possess the same critical thinking that I do. So when I have a stance on an opinion, you can bet I thought about this one a lot more than you did. Maybe I don’t do the research, but I spend most of my time in my head thinking about deductive reasons and logic. You spend your time fitting into society and making friends and I spend my time asking myself… why?

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Eliminating Weakness

I struggled to come up with what I wanted to blog about today. I decided that I really wanted to just write about something magnificent that I have come to discover over the last few years. Epiphanies are not something uncommon for me and I love to share them online. It’s nice to read over my own experiences and knowledge sometimes, it doesn’t matter if anyone else ever sees this or not. I decided I would talk about weakness and how to destroy it, specifically nervousness and more generally fear.

Fear has been used as a means of influence since the beginning of time. Scaring someone into doing something is the easiest method as most people all have something to be afraid of. A more extreme example of this psychological flaw is our attachment to our mothers or fathers. If someone were to threaten their well being most of us would likely do whatever it took to save them. Even more extreme would be our own lives. What would we be willing to do to keep our hearts beating? There is always something for humans to be afraid of and often times that is uncertainty. We are most afraid of the things we don’t understand or haven’t already experienced because it isn’t comfortable. Threaten someones ability to feel comfortable and they will do whatever it takes to keep themselves cozy. The major problem with this is that fear never goes away. It will always be held as a means of blackmail for people to abuse if they just know how. This is why having a fear of something is what makes you weak. Weakness and fear come hand in hand and you will never be more powerful than your opponent if you hold onto it. It would scare me to lose my life or my brothers but it would never be used as a means of terrorism. This is because you must not enable the things that make you weak, however make you human. Weakness is just a target ready for people that want to tear you down. It’s okay to cry, be sad, or be afraid, but I wouldn’t suggest allowing that to affect your judgement. Logic, is the answer to power. Emotions are unpredictable. Identifying your own emotional decisions is what will allow you move pass them. It’s okay to feel emotions, but not so smart to act on them.

Eliminating nerves is a bit tougher but I do so with logic as well. What you are afraid of is uncertainty but with confidence you can be certain of the things that won’t happen and what are likely to happen. Logically, you are more likely to screw up if you are nervous than if you aren’t. Logically if you screw up because of how nervous you are, you’re going to do that anyways and trying to prevent it is pointless. Being nervous doesn’t help, it’s a pointless feeling we have as humans. Easier said than done I’m sure. I know what it is like to be afraid or nervous but believe you me once you start grasping that your life is never going to be where you want it if you keep allowing these feelings to live it for you everything is much much easier.

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If you actually cared about men’s issues, you wouldn’t tack them on as an afterthought to a woman’s conversation: You’d instead be actively engaging in dialogues that explore the nuances of men’s problems in society. You wouldn’t simply wait until a woman is speaking and then shout “Yeah, men too!” You’d talk about these things independently and give men the attention that they deserve as individuals, instead of waiting for a woman to do the work, shouldering her aside and then insisting that men be given a spot on the stage too.

If you actually cared about women’s issues, you wouldn’t demand that they give up their space. You’d recognize that conversations by women and about women are perfectly valid. When a woman is talking about her personal experiences and the way social pressures have affected her life, you wouldn’t allow her to be interrupted or derailed. You wouldn’t actively talk over her or steal away attention, focusing on issues that are outside of her point, until the conversation drifts so far away that you aren’t even discussing women anymore.

So both now and in the future, my answer here is going to remain the same: Can we talk about everyone?

No.

We’re still talking about women right now.

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the-exercist in response to never ending “what about the men?” question

I just needed to give a special shout out to how great & useful these words were

(via newwavefeminism)

(via brentlemen)

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"If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve to never ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side.
It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it’s one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you’ll ever do."

— Stephen Fry (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

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thetallblacknerd:

I loved this speech so fucking much, just agree with all of it

(Source: ted, via whateverthepoodle)

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The Pursuit of Happiness

One of my favorite things to ask new people that I meet is what they find important in life. It’s a difficult question to answer especially if never given significant thought. There are many things people live their lives for and this is what inspires people to live a certain way. Some people live to be remembered, some live to their beliefs or religious values, to make others happy, or to live a long and prosperous life. Some people just don’t think about it, they live their lives however they feel at the time and just go with the flow. Many people seem to think this is an objective reasoning but quite obviously the meaning to life has long been a mystery. There is no right or wrong, better or worse, or at least not for oneself. It’s all subjective to people and I admire all opinions and points of view. It’s how I learn so much about the meaning of life, something that I know doesn’t exist but is still fun to search for. It makes me laugh just typing that because of how ridiculous it sounds. Someone might make sense of it.

I titled this entry the pursuit of happiness so quite obviously this is something I am going to bring up in this post. My reason for living is personal happiness. I believe that nothing is more important than feeling good about yourself, and who you are. I believe that there are emotions that are simply unavoidable given the human psyche. This is something I feel like most people have no understanding of and is an enlightening perspective on life. This is something I have spent a lot of time thinking about. To understand why happiness is more important than success, fame, or whatever your hearts content I have to dive into how these things effect a person.

Why are people driven by success? I talk about how capitalism negatively effects people a lot. Capitalism encourages the idea that the more money you make, the more successful you become, the better off you will be. Stability is important but having five cars is not. This of course is an extreme example but I want to dive into this a little bit more. For those of us that are driven by success, when are you actually successful? When you make a certain amount of money every year? For most people the guideline is become successful, there is no real finish line. So when is it that we call ourselves successful and why is it that this is important to begin with? The truth is a lot of this is social conditioning. Whether it be influence of friends, parents, media, the typical reasoning is because it’s important to other people, not you. You want to be successful because then you are higher on the social ladder. You are distancing yourself from the bottom line that we all fear so much. Poverty, welfare, lower class… Because capitalism tells us that it is our responsibility to separate ourselves. We must prestige because if we do we will be happy. We let ourselves be overwhelmed by things that only matter to us because they matter to everyone else. Simply put, happiness is directly correlated with our ability to succeed. I believe this to be one of the worlds greatest lies.

So what is important to us? Why do we live our lives the way we do? Dive into oneself and ask, why do I live?

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Good Friends

Thinking I’ve finally found some. I’ve learned a lot lately. God it feels really nice to feel loved. I’m very emotional lately, no doubt. It feels like I have gotten over a huge hump in my life for real this time. It was so fucking hard for so fucking long. The hardest years of my life and many more to come. Life is hard but it will just be so much easier with friends I can count on. I am so thankful beyond words. It’s hard to keep my heart in check but I’ve done it, a few times now. It will get easier over time I think but when I think about her too much I definitely feel some heart ache. Even now when I type that it makes my heart wrench a little bit. Uggh… It’s okay though, she is happy and with a guy that also makes her happy. I’m happy for the two of them and despite my tendency to completely avoid jealousy I am extremely envious. I just want that so bad and it sucks that I don’t have it yet. It’s like really really tough to think about so I figure why bother. Just try to avoid the thought of it and be happy for what I do have. A great friend that can be there for me when I need her to. I don’t have to have sex with her or be in a relationship with her, I just want her as a friend. I can still love her as a friend in a mutual way, I’m capable of just thinking like that and that is okay with her and with him and that’s great, I don’t really care about any of that other stuff so much now. It still tears me apart… She doesn’t judge me and nor do I for her. I have a couple friends like that now. It feels good to be able to say things without the fear of what they may say back. Yes, there are some things that must not be talked about but for the most part we are all open to what we’re thinking about. It’s nice. I feel very safe. Cheers to good friends that can be counted on and not forgotten.

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